Billie Lourd Honors Carrie Fisher in Deeply Honest Message About Grief

Billie Lourd is honoring her late mother, Carrie Fisher, five years after her death.

In an Instagram post shared on “the 27th here down unda”—Billie celebrated Christmas in Australia with fiancé Austen Rydell and their 15-month-old son Kingston Fisher Lourd Rydell— the actress opened up about her grief as she marked the fifth anniversary of the Star Wars icon’s passing.

Alongside a throwback photo of herself and Fisher posing with a koala, the 29-year-old actress wrote, “People always ask me what stage of grief I’m in. And my answer is never simple.”

“My grief is a multi course meal with many complicated ingredients,” the American Horror Story: Double Feature star continued. “An amuse bouche of bargaining followed by an anger appetizer with a side of depression, acceptance for the entree and of course a little denial for dessert.”

Noting “that’s how grief should be,” Billie said she feels “all things all at once” and “there is no ‘should’ in grief – grief just is whatever it is for you and that is how it ‘should be.'”